A lot of times it's really hard for me to get through life. It seems like every time I talk to people about my problems, something goes wrong and I lose them. I don't know if they're just scared, or if they just don't care. Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me. I mean, everybody has their problems, right? I just want to figure out what's wrong with ME. I want to figure out why I tend to push people away. Some people might read this and think, "You don't push people away. You're a good friend." But ever since the summer of 2013, I've had to really watch what I say, think, and do in every situation of my life. I can't go about my day like most people can. Every second of my life, I have to pay attention to what I'm saying, thinking, and doing.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
A Virus
My memories have been blurry for most of my life.
At least, I think they have. I don't remember.
My memory is like a file on a computer that has been corrupted and fractured.
I can't find the program I need in order to recover the files.
More memories find their way into my brain only to prepare for a break in.
And the virus grows stronger. Slow enough to go unnoticed.
Casually deleting memories. Leaving only small patches of memories.
It is a virus. I cannot find the right program to kill it.
I need an update. But none are available.
I need to start fresh. With a new hard drive.
A new memory. With a backup program.
My memories have been blurry for most of my life.
At least, I think they have. I don't remember.
My memory is like a file on a computer that has been corrupted and fractured.
I can't find the program I need in order to recover the files.
More memories find their way into my brain only to prepare for a break in.
And the virus grows stronger. Slow enough to go unnoticed.
Casually deleting memories. Leaving only small patches of memories.
It is a virus. I cannot find the right program to kill it.
I need an update. But none are available.
I need to start fresh. With a new hard drive.
A new memory. With a backup program.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Friday, June 12, 2015
Realizing Reality (Short Story)
So...my best friend found out that they're moving in less than a week. I knew that they might move, but I didn't want to believe it. I don't know what to do in this short amount of time. I don't know how to feel. I am upset about this event that will soon take place in my life. I guess this is reality. People move. Maybe they come back to visit. Maybe they come back to stay. But, maybe they won't visit. I'll keep my hopes up and say to myself, "this is a small world. We will cross paths at least once." But then I realize the reality of it all. The World is not that small. So I will cherish the memories that I have been given. I will remember them. Because that's what friends do. They remember one another.
So...my best friend found out that they're moving in less than a week. I knew that they might move, but I didn't want to believe it. I don't know what to do in this short amount of time. I don't know how to feel. I am upset about this event that will soon take place in my life. I guess this is reality. People move. Maybe they come back to visit. Maybe they come back to stay. But, maybe they won't visit. I'll keep my hopes up and say to myself, "this is a small world. We will cross paths at least once." But then I realize the reality of it all. The World is not that small. So I will cherish the memories that I have been given. I will remember them. Because that's what friends do. They remember one another.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
Tornado Warning (Story)
I was calm on Saturday evening. I was playing video games and eating chicken wings. My Dad walked in and asked me, "You like severe weather, right? There is a tornado warning, so buckle down!" I feel my heart race and I try to remember that I like stormy weather. But a tornado warning seems to be a little over the top, even for me.
My childish instincts and emotions kick in. I go up to my rooms and collect as many stuffed animals as I can. I grab my bunnies, bears, and other assorted stuffed toys that I can't live without. I snatch up my iPod and my phone. My Mom sees me as I run all around our house. I grab a sleeping bag, a flashlight, a lot of water, and a radio. I go out to the garage and grab the cat carriers. I find each of the cats, but my Mom disapproves of this and says that the cats will panic if I put them in their carriers.
I settle down a bit and my panic decreases. Dad comes back to tell me that a tornado warning means that there MIGHT be a tornado. A tornado watch means that there WILL be a tornado. I return to my video games and continue to eat my chicken wings. So now I know what I would do if there was ever a tornado.
I was calm on Saturday evening. I was playing video games and eating chicken wings. My Dad walked in and asked me, "You like severe weather, right? There is a tornado warning, so buckle down!" I feel my heart race and I try to remember that I like stormy weather. But a tornado warning seems to be a little over the top, even for me.
My childish instincts and emotions kick in. I go up to my rooms and collect as many stuffed animals as I can. I grab my bunnies, bears, and other assorted stuffed toys that I can't live without. I snatch up my iPod and my phone. My Mom sees me as I run all around our house. I grab a sleeping bag, a flashlight, a lot of water, and a radio. I go out to the garage and grab the cat carriers. I find each of the cats, but my Mom disapproves of this and says that the cats will panic if I put them in their carriers.
I settle down a bit and my panic decreases. Dad comes back to tell me that a tornado warning means that there MIGHT be a tornado. A tornado watch means that there WILL be a tornado. I return to my video games and continue to eat my chicken wings. So now I know what I would do if there was ever a tornado.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
2022
Not the 'Big Forty'
But still an age to celebrate.
25 years. 9,125 days.
Twenty-five in 2022.
Flying cars and new movie stars.
Possibilities are endless.
I can't even begin to imagine what else will be waiting for me.
A world full of new ideas and brilliant minds.
25 years old and and still discovering how much more the world has to offer.
Maybe world peace. Sounds cheesy..I know.
But to hope for the best, well that's as high as you can get!
Twenty-five in 2022.
A new generation to continue to shape the world in every way possible.
Technology, medicine, politics, and more.
Opening my eyes to a whole new world.
I'm not going to rush to get to twenty-five.
I'll celebrate each day, as each day is special.
Starting in 2022, I'll be 25 years old. Which is 9,125 days.
But I'd like to celebrate for how old I am right now.
Not 25 in 2022. But almost 18 in 2015.
Not the 'Big Forty'
But still an age to celebrate.
25 years. 9,125 days.
Twenty-five in 2022.
Flying cars and new movie stars.
Possibilities are endless.
I can't even begin to imagine what else will be waiting for me.
A world full of new ideas and brilliant minds.
25 years old and and still discovering how much more the world has to offer.
Maybe world peace. Sounds cheesy..I know.
But to hope for the best, well that's as high as you can get!
Twenty-five in 2022.
A new generation to continue to shape the world in every way possible.
Technology, medicine, politics, and more.
Opening my eyes to a whole new world.
I'm not going to rush to get to twenty-five.
I'll celebrate each day, as each day is special.
Starting in 2022, I'll be 25 years old. Which is 9,125 days.
But I'd like to celebrate for how old I am right now.
Not 25 in 2022. But almost 18 in 2015.
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