Spark (Life Update)
I have so many memories deep inside my heart. But there is no spark. I need a reminder of what my childhood felt like. I remember the days when my family and I did everything together. But I just remember that I have those memories. I don't remember the actual memories. I need that spark to jump start my mind so that I can remember my childhood. Sure, you can test me and say, "Oh you're joking. You must remember a lot of your memories. What about the time when---". And I'll say, "Oh yah! Haha that was an awesome day!" That's a lie. Guess what. Most of the time I'll be thinking to myself, desperately trying to figure out how to remember that day. I need that spark.

I Am Eleven Years Old (Life Update)

I think I figured it out. My childhood stopped when I was eleven. I was supposed to grow up. I was expected to grow up. I didn't want to. I didn't understand and I didn't want to understand. All I knew is that I wanted everything that had happened to be nonexistent. So now I am still eleven years old. And I want everything to be the way it was before it all happened. I guess my mind doesn't understand that everybody else has grown up. I was left in my own little eleven year old world. Only...there's nothing there...I am eleven years old in an eighteen year old body. My mind shut down and my emotions are like those of a two year old. And that my friend, is why I don't want to grow up. You may laugh when I tell you that I cry when I think about losing my stuffed animals or giving away my toys, but at least we both know why I am like this. If you are twelve or over, then you are older than me.

Venom (Part 2 of Telling)
When I tell someone who I really am, usually I feel a sense of relief. But when people don't accept me, I panic. That's when I need someone to hear me out. I need to talk to someone who is immune to my venom. But unfortunately, no one is. So far, I haven't met a single person who is strong enough to be immune.

Telling (Part 1)

When you tell your friend a secret that has been hiding deep inside your heart, you tell it with complete confidence thinking that they would never judge you or look at you any different. It's a hard decision to make as to whether or not you should tell someone something about yourself. Choose wisely when telling secrets. I think I chose wisely. Now I just have to wait. Wait to see if my book is judged by its cover. I hope it's not.

My Motto
If your music comes
from your heart,
it is always a sweet sound.
It is always beautiful.

Daddy
Dad. I love you so much. Each
and every day of my life, you have been there for me.
Daddies and daughters always form a special bond.
Don't ever forget how much I love you.
You are the best dad ever.

Pay Attention (Life Update)

A lot of times it's really hard for me to get through life. It seems like every time I talk to people about my problems, something goes wrong and I lose them. I don't know if they're just scared, or if they just don't care. Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me. I mean, everybody has their problems, right? I just want to figure out what's wrong with ME. I want to figure out why I tend to push people away. Some people might read this and think, "You don't push people away. You're a good friend." But ever since the summer of 2013, I've had to really watch what I say, think, and do in every situation of my life. I can't go about my day like most people can. Every second of my life, I have to pay attention to what I'm saying, thinking, and doing.